Monday, November 26, 2012

What am I blogging for?

I know that I have been very sporadic with my blog postings lately.  I always have the best of intentions about blogging.  I think of things to write, and then somehow, I always let it slip.  I've been going through some changes in life lately, and well, I am really going to try to be better at this whole blogging thing.  I love blogging, I really do.

When I first started blogging on Xanga back in 2005, I had no idea what I was doing.  Did anyone really know what blogging was back then?  I posted a lot of random stuff, but as I recently went back and read those posts, I realized that those posts reflected my life from those years... and what an up and down few years they were.  I was a depressed college sophomore, living in a dorm room alone as an RA, just starting to experiment with love and relationships.  That blog served as a journal for those things -- my first real boyfriend relationship and all of the turmoil that was associated with it, my struggles with school and work, the start of a new relationship that ultimately lead to an engagement, and the last real post that I wrote there announcing that I had called off my wedding.

After I decided to stop writing on Xanga, I turned to Myspace as a blogging outlet.  The posts there were a less frequent, but they had meaning.  However, they were still that "lay it all out there" kind of posts.  They were raw with emotion, and going back to read them now is hard.  Dealing with the broken engagement was one of the hardest things in my life.  Those posts got me through it somehow.

Now, 7 years later, just as I have changed as a person (thank goodness for that), blogging has also changed.  Back then, I treated it as my personal diary.  I shared some of the most intimate details of my life with the world.  (I have since gone back and made those posts private.) I wrote for me, as some sort of therapy.  Since then, I have been officially diagnosed with depression, and have been getting help with that for about a year now.  I know that the diagnosis came as no shock to anyone that had been reading my writing for a while.  It certainly came as no shock to me.  My writing here is a little more guarded.  There have been times where I have shared a lot, but I know where that line is now, and I realize that everything shouldn't be shared.

This blog has turned into so much more.  It is very random, as is my life.  It covers a wide variety of topics.  A lot of bloggers have their certain "niche" that they write about.  Whether they are fashion bloggers, mommy bloggers or whatever, they are still sharing their lives with the Internet.  I don't feel that I have that niche.  I guess this blog would best be categorized as a "life" blog... the ups, the downs, the celebrations, the heartache... that's what I write about.  And while I sit here and wonder "What am I blogging for?," I keep coming to the conclusion that I am still blogging for me... blogging is still cathartic for me, and that's why even though the posts aren't steady or regular, I still keep coming back here.

So what now?  I've been making a few changes over the past few months to the blog to make it more like a "real" blog.  I have some catching up to do and lots of things to update about life in general.  I have several series that I have left unfinished, and I will be finishing them up, soon I hope.  Expect a lot of posts coming in the next few weeks.  Chapters of my life have ended, and new ones are being written and others have still yet to begin.  I hope that you will buckle up and come along with me on this crazy ride, whether I'm writing about a fabulous party that I threw or if the topic of the day is boys.

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