Sunday, July 6, 2008

Another Sleepless Night...

I laid in the bed tonight before midnight... tried to go to sleep for 4 hours, and it just wasn't happening... Got up kinda late today, so that's probably why, but then again, my mind was racing a mile a minute. It tends to do that lately. Sometimes I will think about things in the middle of the night that I haven't thought about all day. I don't know why... it just happens. And a lot of the time, my thoughts just jumble together and then I confuse myself... but I do that all the time anyway :)

I guess since I can't sleep, I will take time to blog about something that I meant to write about earlier this week.

Last Sunday was June 29. That date marked 17 years since my Grandma Ruth died. She was my mom's mom, and lost, from what I hear, was a hard battle with Ovarian cancer. I don't really have a lot of memories of her, since I had just turned 6 at the time. When I think about her, one of the most vivid memories of her was about 2 months before she died. I was 5 at the time.

Each spring, the churches in our area get together and have "Field Day" for the kids. This particular year, 1991, it happened to be in Farmville, at the High School. Well, I was being chased by my cousin Jonathan, and I fell down and busted my knee open. Of course, I was hysterical, but I would not let anyone take care of me, except for my Grandma Ruth. She lived a few miles from the high school, and was a nurse. So my mama took me there and she fixed up my knee for me. Today, I still have a scar from that fall.

Seventeen years... its a long time. So many things have happened that she was not here to share in. In June of 1991, I had just finished Kindergarten. She wasn't there to see me graduate High School, with honors. Not there when I started college, when I got engaged, when I got un-engaged, or when I bought my first house. A life time of memories without her. I often wonder what kind of relationship we would have had. I'm sure it would have been a great one. Would she have kept my mom more saine? Would she have been someone that I could have talked to? Confided in?

As a five year old, it is hard to wrap your head around the idea of death, but I guess it really doesn't get any easier to comprehend when you get older. We are also coming up on the anniversary of my Granddaddy Harvey's death as well. He died on July 12, only 6 years after my grandma. I had a little more time with him, so there are more memories of things we did together, times we shared. He died during the summer after my 6th grade year. So there are still so many things that he wasn't there for.

I guess we can't harp on the things that we can't change, but I guess its human nature to ask "Why?" or "What if?" What would be different about my life today, if these people had been around longer? That question can never be answered. Would they be proud of the person that I have become? I can only hope.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Crystal! I'm posting this comment in honor of D&Rs Friday Blog Comment Challenge. I've never read your blog before, but after reading this entry, I think I might start!

    In response to your blog, I wanted to say that it is so awesome that you still think about your grandparents so much, and so long after their passing. I wish I could say I did the same with memories of my father. I just have so many other things going on, that they occupy my mind too much. (I also have the hardest time falling asleep, unless I'm DEAD tired!!)


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